Of Stories Never Told
by Hide-hime
Summary: Takes place the summer after PoA. Snape reflects on his relationship with Lucius.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters that appear in this fic… I don't really own anything about this fic except the ideas in it and the fact that I wrote it. The lyrics are copyrighted to someone… Don't know who, but the point is, they're not mine. Um… Slash! Not heavy slash, but still enough to put a disclaimer on. And I warn you, the rating WILL become NC-17 soon enough.   
  
DEDICATION: Most my inspiration came through these song lyrics, strangely enough. I also just now read "Wicked Game" by JayKay and was moved to write my own Snape/Lupin. Also, to Ginga, for giving me a reason to write.   
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The basics: Takes place during the summer after PoA. Not that this matters very much, I just thought I'd give you some timeline. And, I'm sorry to say, that Snape and Lupin DO have a history together in this fic. I know, it's overdone. But there will be no mating for life or any other such werewolf mating rituals included! Brilliant idea the first couple of times around, now it's just tiring. Um… That's about it.   
  
****  
  
"Alone for a while I've been searching through the dark  
For traces of the love you left inside my lonely heart  
To weave by picking up the pieces that remain  
Melodies of life--love's lost refrain."  
-Melodies of Life, Final Fantasy IX  
  
****  
  
Remus Lupin had never experienced a dream so vivid before, so wonderfully, and at the same time, terribly real. The images surfaced so effortlessly after so many years, as if some unseen hand ground them out of some immense machine. All of his dreams lately had been similar, recounting his school days, probably because of seeing all of these familiar faces. Each one could spark some cherished memory inside of him as well as erupt into a blinding vision of things gone wrong. Every one he had ever loved was a double-edged sword, one that accompanied every gentle touch with a startling blow. If given a choice, Lupin would've given anything to release the ability to dream and just sleep in utter and blessed nothingness. A good night's sleep was becoming harder and harder to achieve. These dreams were a plague and one of biblical proportions.   
  
His dream had immersed him a world of colors beyond black that seemed to surround and comfort the werewolf like nothing else could. The deep richness of dark held him close, enveloping him totally and leaving no room to breathe, no room to doubt. Shadows played upon the features of his fantastical lover, the embodiment of night itself. His rich scent filled Lupin's delicate senses to the point where the smell of thyme and wet asphalt exuded from his very soul. And everything was so familiar, yet lost, to the werewolf. For he knew that every dream had a message, and he had learned that a werewolf's reveries were much simpler than any human's. Simple to the point of being comforting and childish, loved-ones were personified by a color, a hue that belonged to them and only them. A rainbow so detailed with more shades imaginable was what Lupin saw as the world and all of its inhabitants. And black was just too easy to interpret.   
  
"Severus…" Remus' dream-self whispered, afraid that if the name was spoken any louder his shadowy devotee would burst into the light of dawn, awakening Lupin from this inescapable vision. He wished that this feeling could last till his final breath, when the bliss finally killed him. To be held so close by someone he had no right to pine for was something that conjured base emotions that could block out any unhappiness. This was heaven, this was perfect, this was what it felt like to ride on the back of the wind and know no fear. Those memorable arms molded to his body were exhilarating and would find no equal, not even in his dreams. But memories were nothing to live by, Lupin knew well enough that they could sustain you for long enough to realize that, in your absence from the present, your misery had doubled and tripled. And then memories were even out of reach and all you had to cling to were dreams.   
  
****  
  
And that dream had ended too quickly, leaving Remus fully awake and longing for night to encompass him once more. The dreams weren't the problem, it was the feeling that ripped away at Lupin afterwards that made him want to sink into an oblivious slumber. That and the knowledge that his Severus would dwell only in his hallucinations and never in his arms.   
  
Drawing in a sharp breath and them expelling it in a hopeless sigh, Remus shook his head and stood wearily and surveyed his quarters. Dumbledore had promised him a home until the ex-professor could find a decent home, or until summer ended. He couldn't risk having a werewolf living among the students, not when the Daily Prophet had posted that appalling article and Severus had… Not that that mattered anyway, Remus would have had to leave the school eventually. He could never stay in one place for too long, unless it was in the Muggle world. Even there, people still viewed him as different, but at least not different enough to exile. But there was no use thinking about that now, it was time to get dressed and join the other faculty members for breakfast. Well, at least the ones that stayed for the summer. In actuality, not many did. Dumbledore, of course, as he viewed Hogwarts as a sentient being that constantly needed love and care. Filch did also, it was his job afterall, as did Minerva, Poppy, Hagrid and Severus. Their assorted reasons were beyond Lupin's understanding, though he suspected that Severus stayed for his work. Having only seen the inside of Snape's office once he did not have a firm grasp of what he kept down there, only that he had never seen such an extensive collection of ingredients, as well as assorted potions. And what he did with all of them was a mystery to everyone, though some had theories, and almost all of them were severely misguided. Hadn't Harry even suggested that Severus had been trying to poison him with the Wolfsbane Potion?   
  
Lupin could hardly blame anyone for jumping to conclusions around Severus. Afterall, that was how he liked it. He liked being able to make a student jump with just the clearing of his throat, to see them squirm with a simple change of stance. His teaching methods were a little unorthodox, but they worked well when the student actually built up enough courage to keep their hands from shaking. And the man was brilliant. Beyond brilliant, Lupin corrected, too brilliant to let one night stand between them, one horrible night that had taken place over twenty years prior. But there was precious little he could do about that, other than run all the possible 'what if' stories through his head. What if the prank hadn't been played? What if he had never found out? What if he had accepted him? That was the one that hurt him the most. That someone so mistreated, so incredibly different from everyone else hadn't even had the understanding to accept him. Lupin hadn't even been able to attempt to sway Severus' judgment that year, and now the prospect of being accepted by him was long since dead. For the years had only been crueler to Severus Snape, turning him from a cold, abused boy to an impenetrable and uncaring man. Any hope Remus had ever sheltered about rekindling their relationship had been doused out by time and the hateful look in Snape's eyes.   
  
But the eyes in his fantasies and memories had been nothing like that. They had been private, showing emotion only to an elite few, Remus Lupin having been one of them. How expressive they were, even when his young face had been twisted into a angry scowl. Coal had never looked promising until embedded in Severus' eyes. Obsidian had never before gleamed with love until they were gleaming out at him. Suddenly Lupin pulled himself out of reverie when he realized that he was still standing beside his bed, half-dressed and starving. Perhaps at breakfast he could steal a glance at those eyes, however frosty, and be filled with a little warmth.  
  
****  
  
Settling himself beside Minerva, Lupin heaved a sigh when he noticed that Severus was not present at the table. He hadn't been coming to meals lately and it seemed as though skin and bones would simply become bone. Worrying about the potions master wasn't something he felt he had the right to do, but someone had to. Remus picked at his eggs for a few minutes, having lost his rampaging appetite rather abruptly by the prospect of Snape's health becoming even worse. He had probably lost himself to his work ethic once more and was throwing ingredients into an enormous cauldron that smelled like someone had drudged it up from the lake bottom. At this rate there probably wouldn't be much left of Severus at the start of the semester.   
  
As if reading his thoughts, Dumbledore cleared his throat and looked cheerfully over at Lupin. "Ah, Remus, I see that you too have noted Severus' absence! If you would be so kind as to drag him up from the dungeons and grace us with his company? He hasn't been to many meals lately, I fear for his health. And if, as it may well be, that is entirely impossible, have one of the house elves bring him down something. I hope this isn't too much of a bother, is it?"  
  
"No, Professor, I'd be glad to," Lupin answered, his tone somewhat dreadful. True, he had wanted to see him at breakfast, but a one-on-one encounter with him hadn't been what Remus had bargained for. Besides, the man hated him enough to tell the entire school of his affliction, what made Albus think he could convince him to come up to breakfast? This was hopeless.  
  
His dogged steps mirroring his disposition, the werewolf stared in trepidation at the hardwood door before him. There was no doubt in his mind that this was where Severus was, having learned the pleasant way that he was not one to sleep in. But, this was nothing personal, he had nothing to be frightened of, this was a favor that Dumbledore had requested and he would fulfill it. And there was no real reason he should be afraid, except the coldness that emanated from Snape every time Lupin was in his general vicinity. It was a rather painful reminder that, while his flame of hope had been burnt out, so had any tolerance Severus ever had for him.   
  
Knocking cautiously on the door, Lupin's heart sank as he heard loud, no, make that enraged, footsteps heading towards the door. Even though he braced himself, the werewolf was still a little surprised when the door flew open and there stood a livid Severus Snape. Breathing audibly, the man's black eyes narrowed to slits while he regarded Lupin. He looked frustrated to an extreme, the state his usually limp hair was in suggested that he had been clutching at it. His experiment had not gone well. Lupin was sure that he made no noise for a few moments succeeding Snape's dramatic greeting and jumped when Severus yelled at him. "Well?!" He demanded loudly, crossing his arms, probably to keep from strangling the life out of Remus. Yes, this was definitely Severus frustrated and it would probably be the safest course of action to simply leave.  
  
"What do you want, Lupin? Excuse me if I have… little patience as of now," The potions master spat through clenched teeth, raking back his unruly hair with long, spindly fingers. Remus nodded, feeling quite childish before the furious professor, but vowing to complete his task. "Albus requested that you come up to breakfast. I… He was worried about your current state of fatigue. You don't seem to be sleeping or eating. No one's seen you come out of the dungeon for days. Everyone is… worried…." In no way had Lupin meant for all of that to come spilling out, but it had and now Severus regarded him with an arched eyebrow and a tight-lipped scowl.   
  
"I'm quite sure not everyone is worried. And I assure you I am quite busy, so I would prefer it if you would be on your way." The words were clipped, harsh to Lupin's ears and he found himself interjecting himself between Snape and his workroom faster than he thought possible. The black eyed man simply glared down his long nose at Remus, the anger in his eyes escalating to a new level. "I do not believe I invited you in," Severus hissed.  
  
"You didn't. But… If you don't go up, I'm to send some house elves down. I'll give them instructions to watch that you actually eat. You need to, Severus."  
  
Ignoring the sincerity in the ex-professor's eyes, Snape's expression became even more dangerous as his lips curled into a cruel smirk. "They have no reason to listen to you. You are no longer an instructor at this school. And the command of a professor ranks over a monster's, if I am correct. Good day." Sweeping past Remus quite easily, as the man was too stunned to apply ant resistance, Severus bent over his work bench and began to slave away, looking up briefly a few moments later when the werewolf mumbled something beneath his breath. "Unless that was something you intended me to hear, it would be in your best interest to leave me be."   
  
"Albus requested it. And the command of a headmaster ranks over a professor's, if I am correct," Lupin remarked spitefully, he voice horribly devoid of any feeling. The coldness was enough, he didn't need any verbal proof that he was still hated on top of that.   
  
"Fine. Send them down. But get out of my sight, I've no reason to be cordial to you any longer."  
  
Remus was only happy to oblige him, dejectedly closing the door behind him. There was no hope. There never was. Now there was only that stinging reminder that there never will be, there will only be spite and anger and bitterness. He tried to tell himself that Severus Snape wasn't worth loving, but he knew that he could never swallow his own lie. He had always been worth loving, even now, even after time sculpted some vindictive wraith of his glorious innocent. Lupin knew that he hadn't always been like this, knew that when he was loved he could be tender and affectionate, albeit grudgingly and in his own way, but at least it was there. Time had beaten Severus, had made him bend to its will so that all Snape had was now. He could never again be a creature of nostalgia like Remus. No, for Snape, there was only today. And today he hated Lupin. But yesterday, yesterday there had been love.  
  
And yesterday was enough for him, enough to keep him inhaling and exhaling through the malicious comments, through the cutting pain that today had in store for him. But what worried Remus the most was that would it be enough to keep him breathing tomorrow? What if all he had tomorrow were the memories of today? If yesterday was ever laid to rest, would he be as well? He needed to make new memories, to have happiness now, to be physically contented or else tomorrow would be even worse than today. He needed Severus.   
  
If only I weren't so damn loyal, the werewolf mused, disgusted with himself. He could blame the wolf. The wolf had that burning sense of loyalty to the pack, that emptiness without it. But he knew that wasn't it. He had to blame the only one responsible, the man, Remus Lupin, who was pining over his lost love, his lost youth. They were, essentially, one and the same. He had never known love later on in life, he felt as though his capacity to love had imploded upon itself. Still, Lupin could try. There must be some way, some way to make yesterday's memories seem insubstantial compared to today's.   
  
****  
  
Later on in the day, Remus closed the book he had been engulfed in for the past three or so hours and bit down on his lower lip. He didn't want to be alone right now, he needed someone to make idle banter with him to keep his thoughts off of the past. Wishing that Sirius wasn't on hiatus at the moment with all of his being, Lupin scooped his quills and parchment into his satchel and concluded to retire to the teacher's lounge. Surely someone would be there that he could talk to. The lounge also had the added bonus of being the last place Severus would be at the moment, considering his current state. Sighing, the werewolf walked swiftly through the halls, glancing around at the paintings and casually greeting the ones that addressed him. It seemed like an eternity to the lounge, and when his hand was a hairsbreadth from the handle, he heard a familiar voice behind him. But what in God's Name would that boy be doing here?  
  
"I always knew that dogs were loyal, but isn't a little ridiculous to hand around where you aren't wanted?" The metallic, snickering voice questioned, amused with his "witty" little remark. Remus turned very slowly to regard Draco Malfoy with a weary eye before the boy decided that the ex-professor would give him no fuel to tease him and retreated down the hallway. Lupin pitied the boy, to be molded into his Father's image at such a young age, it really wasn't his fault. But every House needs a poster-child…   
  
Sighing with relief when he spied Madame Pomfrey crocheting in the far corner of the lounge, he smiled and approached her. She seemed rather pleasantly surprised with his entrance and set her needlework off to the side. "Ooh, I was hoping I'd find some company down here. The infirmary seems so empty. But I'm sure that's something to be glad about," She let out a small giggle and grinned at Lupin. "What brings you here?"  
  
"I was hoping for some company as well," Remus answered politely, returning Poppy's smile. Remembering the chance encounter seconds before, the golden eyed man turned and pointed at the door. "Young Mr. Malfoy-" But Madame Pomfrey interrupted him without warning, scowling mildly, "Accosted you too, hmmm? Well, he can fix himself next time he falls from his broom."  
  
"But what is he doing here?"  
  
"His father's here on business. Hmmph. Business. That's a laugh, more like pleasure," The mediwitch scoffed, summoning a warm cup of tea for both of them. Lupin nodded graciously, just a little confused. "Pleasure, Poppy? What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, I'm not one to gossip, but for someone here on business, he does very little talking with Dumbledore and quite a bit of *talking* with Mr. Snape…"   
  
Remus could feel his brow furrow, and he knew the look he must be giving her, but neither of those could defer him from hearing more. "You mean they're… They're lovers?"  
  
The small woman shrugged, taking a sip of her tea and wetting her lips, "I wouldn't use that term. I suppose it's more of a mutual agreement. But every so often Lucius will come up, state that it's on business and Dumbledore gives him a room. But what I don't understand is why he lets it continue. Surely Dumbledore must know what's going on? Oh well, none of my business."  
  
Stroking his chin, having completely forgotten his cup of tea, Remus inhaled deeply. This was quite a bit to think about. He had always believed that Snape had completely given up on love, but he still seemed to dabble in the area of the physical aspect of it. With Lucius Malfoy of all people. Lucius Malfoy had what he wanted, well, on second thought, he didn't have what he wanted, but he had the closest thing to it. Lupin's infatuation with Severus was primarily emotional, lust having not been factored in. Severus was many things, but none of them were 'ruggedly handsome,' or 'beautiful.' He was mysterious and alluring in an erotic sense, but nothing that anyone would consider knee-jellying. But, Lupin wouldn't turn down sex with him, not by a long-shot. At least it would be something…  
  
And that's when it hit Lupin. Lucius Malfoy had what he needed, and now he knew how to make it his. Turning rapidly to stare at Poppy with a new found determination in his tawny eyes, Remus grabbed her hands in his, almost pleadingly. "How often does Lucius usually stay?"  
  
Slightly taken aback, Madame Pomfrey struggled with her words for a few moments, "Uhh… I… I would say no more than three days."  
  
"And how often does he come?"   
  
"Um… Maybe once a month, maybe every three weeks… Why?" The mediwitch mumbled, thoroughly startled at Lupin's sudden flare of zeal.   
  
"Just curious! Thank you!" Dropping her hands rather quickly, Remus hurried out the door and back to the library. He felt giddy, excited. There was hope! He had found something, and wasn't about to let go of it now.  
  
TBC…?  
  
****  
  
END NOTE: It's longer than I thought it would be. Not many of my fics are very well received, so I'm not sure how much I'll write for myself. But I'm pretty sure they'll at least be another chapter. 


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I think, therefore I am. I do not own, therefore I make no money. ^__^ And, as before, this is a SLASH fic! As in men thinking sexual thoughts (and maybe fulfilling them…) about other men. The pairings are as follows: Snape/Lupin (but not in the way you're thinking) and Snape/Lucius. If I get pressed for plot, there may be more.  
  
WARNING: The next chapter WILL be NC-17. If you want to read the rest of the series, make sure you change the rating span on your browsers!  
  
DEDICATION: To all the people who reviewed the first chapter, I hope you stick with the series and enjoy it! And, once again, to Ginga, for acting as my redundant muse.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, I was pleasantly surprised when I checked how many reviews I had. Pleasantly shocked might be more accurate. The fic continues, along with a higher rating! Yes, there is actual SLASH in this chapter, though nothing too graphic. I hope I'm portraying the characters accurately. Lupin seems a little two-dimensional to me, so I'm going to try and fill him out a bit. For the future of this fic, I'm planning on it being long. At least around eight or nine chapters, which is long for me. Oh, and I apologize for my plethora of typos in the last chapter… ;_; I have no beta. So, obviously, Draco said "hang around" not "hand around." Not that I wouldn't mind Lupin being handed around. I'll stop myself here, on to the fic.   
  
****  
  
"Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why   
We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye  
And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told?  
Let them ring out loud till they unfold."  
-Melodies of Life, Final Fantasy IX  
  
****  
  
It alarmed Lupin how easy it was to accomplish the first stage in his plan. Well, as of now it wasn't exactly a plan, more a thread of concepts connected by a similar outcome. What also shook Remus was the lengths he was going to for Severus' affection, impersonating a governor of the school that was gracious enough to give him somewhere to stay. He was betraying Dumbledore, committing a felony and deceiving Severus on top of that. When had his love life become so dire, so desperate? For Lupin had loved before Snape and had even loved after, but none of those mattered to him now. All he wanted was Severus, in his arms, of his own free will, even if it meant that the truth had been clouded.   
  
The potion itself wasn't one that required immeasurable skill to brew, but the ingredients were a bit difficult to get a hold of. Although most of them were trivial things, such as lacewing flies, knotgrass and leeches, some could have very well ended his "scheme." The fluxweed, which would only be potent enough if plucked from the earth under the full moon had been a pitfall to Lupin, who had been specifically asked to stay within his quarters while transformed, Wolfsbane Potion or not. Luckily, no one had caught him sneaking out before the metamorphosis began and stealing away into the Forbidden Forest where he knew the weed flourished. Other than the fluxweed, Remus had been forced to dive into his savings, which contained all of his earnings from his year of teaching, to buy the powdered bicorn horn, boomslang skin and the rest of the rather rare elements. This had sunken his spirits, seeing as how the rest of his plan required the purchase of at least two new robes and an excellent bottle of red wine, preferably one with a pungent odor. Before he knew it, he would go broke once again. Not that Remus doubted that this wasn't worth it, by all mean it was, but it still was an unsettling thought to know that he'd be back where he started in another month.  
  
But this was not the way Remus wished to think as of now, all he wanted to do was just fantasize about the things he would be gaining. There was the chance of getting caught, which was more like a certainty, and being sentenced, but it wasn't as though he had much to lose. No, Remus Lupin had let everything that had ever mattered to him go, his friends, his future, and Severus. But not this time, this time he had nothing to give and everything to receive.   
  
****  
  
Perched over the cauldron, bored as sin and aching with anticipation, Lupin stirred the last of the lacewings into the mixture, which had begun to clog his sensitive nose. It smelt as putrid as it looked and Remus was none too thrilled about the idea of imbibing it. Still, it had to be done. There was only one more ingredient to add, that ingredient being a few of Lucius Malfoy's hairs. The hairs had probably been the easiest thing to obtain, the opportunity had fallen into his lap, literally. Upon coming downstairs to join the others for dinner, Severus accompanied by Lucius swept into the entryway and had stopped long enough to sneer with revulsion at him. Lucius, ever the kind to rub someone's nose in their own misfortune, had dropped his shroud into Remus' arms, telling him to, "Earn your keep and hang my cloak up." And as quickly as they had stormed in, Snape and Malfoy left the foyer for the Dining Hall. Left with this grand opportunity, the golden-eyed man picked as many pale blonde hairs off the cape as possible, stowing them away in a phial that he had been keeping in his robes for a situation like this. And, with that auspicious encounter, the potion could be ready within the week, once the lacewings had finished simmering.   
  
Dropping the small handful of hairs into the concoction, Remus held his breath in anxiousness to see the fruits of his labor. Within a moment, the once deep brown mixture dwelling in the cauldron had bubbled into an icy cobalt, a blinding hue that was a strain to the eyes. At last it was ready! And now, Lupin cogitated with dread, comes the hard part. Carefully ladling a bit of the sapphire liquid into a measuring spoon, he held it upside-down over the uncorked bottle of red wine, waiting for it to fall, for its viscosity was so great that the potion flowed a bit like molasses. Finally having guided the proper amount into the bottle, Remus repeated the process three times, sighing in relief when the wine looked unaltered. Each dose of the potion was good only for an hour, so it had been difficult for Lupin to think of a way to keep taking it without Snape getting suspicious. And since it was common knowledge that Severus had no liking for wine, it seemed the perfect opportunity.   
  
Before he could proceed with his plan, he had made sure to check some things that could have been dead-giveaways. First of all, through gossiping casually with most of the faculty, Lupin had discovered that Lucius did not always visit Professor Dumbledore when he came to Hogwarts. That would allow Remus to skip a meeting that would drain away at his precious potion. Also, he needed to be sure that his sudden appearance would be soon enough so that there was no chance of running into the real Lucius and late enough so that it didn't arouse mistrust as to why he came back so soon. Lupin was walking a terribly thin line, where just one mistake could send him teetering off the edge.   
  
There was also the matter of acting enough like Lucius to satisfy Snape's comfort, for it was also well known how apprehensive that man could be about every little thing. The attitude would be a problem, but he had gone to school with Malfoy, so he had some valuable insights to him that others might not have the luxury to. But the small things, habits, the way he walked, the inflections in his voice, those would be virtually impossible to duplicate. But at the very least, Remus could try to avoid those of which he did, as to deflect suspicion from him. It was sufficient to say that this was a suicide mission.   
  
****  
  
Sighing, Lupin placed a phial of the potion inside the new robes he had purchased, due to the fact that Lucius Malfoy would rather gouge out his right eye than walk around in tattered garments. Patting the spare draught, Remus reflected that a back-up dose was a fine idea, should anything happen to the wine or should the wine fail altogether. He still wasn't positive if he had gotten the right measurement. Mathematics had never been his strong suit. Enough with the deliberations, he chided, just drink it!  
  
The glass was raised to his lips and Lupin timidly tilted it skyward, sending the first drops of liquid winter into his mouth. The substance didn't taste as foul as he would've suspected but what it lacked in repulsiveness it made up for with power. Peppermint pounded at his taste-buds until he thought that all flavor would be lost to him from this point forward. The ice trickled down his esophagus, filling every nook and cranny it could find and permeating it with frigidity. Remus felt as though he had swallowed a ten kilogram weight once it settled in his stomach, now rocking his body with tides of nausea. And if this was not enough, the ten kilogram block of ice shattered into a billion flecks of snow which dispersed themselves from the strands of his hair to the tips of his toes. The pain finally ebbed away and a terrible numbness was left in it's place, along with the sensation that his flesh had been turned to jelly that was working to encase a rapidly changing interior. Lupin concluded that it was entirely different from the transformation from man to werewolf. For one thing, his skin was rippling now, while under the full moon, it ripped and burst. And as he could see it now, there were no major changes, for they were roughly the same height and build, save for the fact that Lucius wasn't as sickeningly gaunt as Remus. Then in an instance, all effects of the potion evaporated into nothingness, leaving Lupin panting on the floor.  
  
Clambering to his feet, Remus stumbled towards the mirror in his humble bathroom, praying to anyone that would listen that the potion had succeeded. He steeled himself before cautiously glancing up to discover who was staring back at him. A gasp of delight escaped his newly reformed lips as Lupin cradled both sides of his face in disbelief. It had worked! It had really worked! Smiling broadly, the ex-professor ran over to his nightstand, scooped up the bottle of wine and hurried out of his room, hoping that no one was about to see him. That was all he needed, to be caught fifteen seconds into the operation. A tingle fired up his spine as he snuck up the stairs to the foyer, brought about by the familiarity of sneaking around Hogwarts. But he shooed the memories out of his mind, he didn't want to be thinking of his friends and show up at Severus' quarters close to tears. Practically running towards the staircase that trailed down into Snape's private rooms, Lupin couldn't help but be filled with a sense of invincibility. This was going to work!  
  
****  
  
Remus took quite a few deep breaths outside the door to Severus' bedroom to keep from hyperventilating from a mixture of nervousness and anticipation. This was what he had been longing for all these years, and now it was right there, right before his fingers. And this time he could reach out and grab it.   
  
Knocking nonchalantly on the door, Lupin leaned in what he hoped was a casual way against the doorframe. A few moments later, mumbling was audible as were painstakingly slow footsteps towards the door. Once more, the door was thrown open, but, unlike the last, the werewolf stood motionless. Upon seeing Lupin, an odd emotion came over Snape's face and he immediately masked it with a scowl.  
  
"Lucius. You could've had the decency to tell me you were coming," he hissed, though not with the usual venom in his voice.  
  
"Hmmm? I don't see why I can't just drop in, keeps you on your toes," Lupin replied, wide-eyed with fear inside. This was not going to work. How could he have been so stupid as to think this would work?  
  
"Hmmph," Having been said, Severus retreated back into his bedroom, staring expectantly at Lupin. "Are you planning on loitering in my doorway all night or are you coming in?"  
  
Chuckling softly, Remus forced himself to stroll casually into the room, keeping himself from imprinting the area into his mind. I'm never going to see inside here again, he thought disappointedly.   
  
"I'd like to know why you're visiting early. Is there news that you needed to tell me in person?" The comment was meant sarcastically, made very clear by the tone in the potions master's voice, but Lupin couldn't help but wonder why they had planned out meeting times…  
  
"No, no, nothing like that, Severus," His name had come out in a hushed syllable, one filled with wanton desire and disparity. He hoped beyond hope that Snape thought nothing of it. "No, just here to see you."  
  
"Narcissa is pestering you then?"  
  
"Not anymore than usual," He presumed that Lucius complained about his wife often, afterall, all men did.  
  
"The boy is troubling you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then why have you come?"  
  
"I told you already. I *wanted* to see you," And this was as truthful as Lupin would let himself be. He could just imagine it now: The real reason I'm here is because I've become incredibly infatuated with you over the years. This isn't even my body, you see, I brewed a polyjuice potion and…  
  
By the look on Severus' face, Lupin concluded that this was not an answer he heard very often. He looked positively stunned and it took all of Remus' self-restraint to keep from grinning. "I see," Snape replied simply, suddenly at a loss for words.  
  
"No biting remark? No scathing insult? I'm shocked, Severus."  
  
Still, he remained silent, gathering a multitude of papers into his arms from his desk and depositing them in a basket with other such scraps in it. Lupin couldn't help but approach him and with one trembling hand reach out to lay it on the side of his cheek. The potions master's black eyes trailed upwards to lock with Lupin's, a look of cynicism in them that the werewolf couldn't help but pity. "You think I'm lying?"  
  
"You're acting strangely," Snape accused, shrugging away from Lupin to stride over to a bottle of brandy perched on a high up shelf.   
  
"Desperation can do that," Remus mumbled to himself, drawing in a quivering breath. They had touched, something that had only happened in his dreams for so long. He was beginning to realize that he could not hold up any acts beneath Severus' eyes, if only for the reason that he loved him without question. His head snapping up to check the time, Lupin sighed when he discovered that he still had the greater part of the hour left. Snape was now setting an empty glass onto the mantle and staring at him, his black eyes narrowed once more. "If you wanted to see me, you have. You can leave… If that is all."   
  
Grinning and uttering a quick laugh, Lupin shook his head. That was the closest thing to an invitation that he would ever receive from Severus Snape. No thoughts flitted into his mind, none about his own dishonesty, none about the repercussions of the situation, except that, if only for tonight, Severus was his.   
  
Remus quickly crossed the room to stand beside Snape, a pleased smile playing on lips as he laced a hand into the potions master's black hair. True, it was unkempt, but it was still unnaturally soft, just as it had been in youth. "That is not all. It was enough a few moments ago, but I have grown insatiable rather suddenly," Lupin purred, bringing his lips millimeters from Severus'. "Sight will turn into touch." Now he eased just a bit of his restraint away, angling his lips upwards to press them delicately against the object of his affection's. It was ecstasy, it was more wonderful than any dream he could possibly create because this was real. Pulling away, the werewolf smiled gleefully, fighting the strong urge to knock Snape to the bed and claim him. "And touch will turn into taste…"  
  
He kissed Severus again, this time deepening it by first licking at those blessed lips and then waiting for Snape to allow him to enter. Once this opening was provided, Lupin eased his tongue into the black-haired man's mouth, relishing at the familiar taste that he found. It was enough to make his eyelids flutter, enough to last him a lifetime without yesterday. Remus finally parted from Severus when he felt like his lungs were going to cave in on themselves.  
  
"And what will taste become…?" Snape whispered, his eyes half-lidded from the kiss.   
  
"I've run out of appropriate senses," Lupin chuckled quietly, molding himself to Severus' body and looping both arms around his gaunt waist. "Taste will become love. I'll make you remember what it feels like to be loved…" And with one backwards glance to gauge how much time he had left, Remus maneuvered Snape onto the bed, enclosing his mouth with a searing kiss.  
  
Yes, I'll make you remember what it feels like to be loved. And to love.  
  
TBC  
  
****  
  
END NOTE: Ha! No lemon for you yet! This chapter is a bit shorter than the last, but my father's driving me insane and I'm tired. Sorry the chapter was a bit slow. I promise more excitement in the next. And angst. And sex. ^__^ Maybe, I'm such a tease. 


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: In a stroke of amazing luck, I found the rights to Harry Potter on ebay and snatched them up for the amazing price of thirty-five cents. That's sarcasm. I don't own Lupin, Snape or Lucius, as much as I'd like to. *shrugs* Life's not fair. Also, this is a SLASH fic, it has been for two chapters, glad you noticed.   
  
DEDICATION: To all my friends who pestered me into writing a sex scene. Oh, is it in this chapter? Maybe yes, maybe no. ^__~  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Back at it! The next chapter promises to be a little… eclectic. The themes jump around a lot, so I'm sorry if it's a bit confusing… Yum… Skittles… Anyway, I should learn to stop putting in these little author's notes… Pretty pointless. OH! And Ginga, I checked on your house and worshipped 'Da Boo.' Proud?  
  
****  
  
"In my dearest memories, I see you reaching out to me  
Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name."   
-Melodies of Life, Final Fantasy IX  
  
****  
  
Waking in his own bed, feeling much worse for the wear, Remus sighed longingly and flipped onto his back. Last night had been… There were no words to explain what he felt, it was just so ineffable. But, in retrospect, it had been the stupidest thing he had ever done, as well as the stupidest he ever would do. Today he intended to take the potion once more to spend the day with Severus. The wine had done the trick, but its potency was reduced with every draught he took while under its effect. When he had finally ripped himself away from Snape, the polyjuice had only worked for roughly thirteen minutes. If that wasn't a close call, Lupin didn't know what one was!   
  
After a few moments of relishing in the memory of what had happened last night, Remus leaped off his bed to dress for breakfast. He slipped "Lucius'" robes on, reflecting that him not attending breakfast wasn't much of a shock, for he usually couldn't stomach food so early in the morning. So, he would rush down to the dungeons, rouse Snape into coming up and would have the rest of the day alone with him. At some point, probably around lunch, he'd have to stow away from Severus to let the potion wear off and take a full dose, thus renewing the wine-mixture's efficiency. But any risk was worth it just to be with the potions master.  
  
****  
  
"Stop staring at me like that," Snape ordered sourly before taking another bite of his porridge.   
  
"Staring at you like what? I wasn't staring."  
  
"Then I'd like to know what you were doing."  
  
"Gazing," Lupin replied cheerily, fingering his cool glass of milk. He was almost positive someone like Lucius Malfoy would never drink milk for breakfast, but that was all he could seem to keep down.  
  
"That's worse."   
  
Remus simply shrugged in reply, setting his empty glass onto the tabletop before blinking expectantly at Severus.   
  
"What now?!"   
  
"Are you done yet, I'm eager to get going."  
  
"And where are you going?" The professor drawled, his lips curled into a sneer.  
  
"Not me, us."  
  
"Alright. Where are 'we' going?"  
  
"I don't know, for a walk, maybe go swim in the lake like when we were boys. It's terribly hot," Lupin beamed over at the dark-haired man, who looked rather disgusted with the idea.  
  
"Swimming? The only time I ever went into that bloody lake was when Black pushed me in."  
  
He thought hard, for he couldn't seem to remember that occasion. Sirius had pushed Snape into the lake? Oh! Now he remembered, Severus had made some comment about Sirius' O.W.L. scores and he had, well, pushed him into the lake, causing everyone to roar with laughter. It didn't seem very funny now, though. "Then we could always go on a walk."  
  
"I still say you're acting peculiar. Walks? Swimming? If I didn't know better…"  
  
Lupin froze, his heart pounding so hard that he was sure Snape could hear it. He was caught! Of course Lucius would never suggest anything like that, and Severus knew him like no other did.  
  
"I'd think you had cast a cheering charm on yourself," The black-eyed man accused, letting his spoon fall into the empty bowl with a loud clank.  
  
"I can assure you, I haven't. I'm just in a fine mood this morning and don't wish to waste it in the dungeons while you're hunched over a cauldron."  
  
"Uhn." He grunted in reply, standing and smoothing his immaculate robes. "If you want to go on a walk, we'll do it now, before it gets too hot."  
  
****  
  
"Lovely weather, isn't it?" Lupin asked hesitantly, having remembered how shaky conversations with Snape always were. All he ever did to reply was grunt…  
  
"Uhn."  
  
"Aren't you going to talk? I thought that's why we came out here!" This was beginning to annoy Remus. He might as well go talk to himself, at least *he* was capable of replies with more than one syllable.  
  
"We came out to walk. So I am walking."  
  
"You didn't have to come… If you want to be left alone, you're free to go, Severus. It's just, I like being with you. Well, I like being with you when you actually do or say something. Which you aren't right now."  
  
Snape paused beneath a large oak, raising his eyebrows in a gesture of indifference and leaning against the trunk. "It's too bloody hot to do or say anything."  
  
Approaching Severus with a shrewd glint in his eyes, Remus tugged at the robes clinging to the professor's arm. "If you weren't wearing four or five layers of black you might not be so hot."  
  
"Two layers," The potions master snapped, unfastening the top button of his robe and quickly clearing the rest of them. After shrugging out of the top layer, one of Lupin's eyebrows rose as he noted that beneath his robes Severus wore a pair of black pants and a coat that looked like something bought at an army supply store.  
  
"Don't you think all black is just a tad dramatic?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are you comfortable now?"  
  
"Far from it, but better," Came his drawled answer and Severus regarded Remus with a suspicious glare. "You are a busy man, Lucius, and I have my work, so why do you insist on bothering me at every waking moment?"  
  
Taking a deep breath before giving his reply, attempting to quell the frantic thoughts that popped into mind, Lupin drew close to him. "Because… Because…"  
  
"If that is your answer, I think my time would be better spent working."  
  
"Because you make me feel like I'm back in our fifth year! Those were the best times of my life, Severus! And being with you brings me happiness that I didn't even know that I could experience anymore! I… There are no adequate words for the emotions you inspire in me and there's nothing I could say to convey even the tiniest particle of it. All I want to say is that I have no idea why I care for you so much, but the only way I want to spend the rest of my days is to find out." Lupin them cautiously glanced over at Snape to see what effect his words had him. It was at that moment that he wished that he wasn't such an open person, for Severus sat there, his black eyes wide with an unreadable sentiment.   
"Please, Severus… Say something…"  
  
"I cannot."  
  
Lupin could feel his heart aching for some indication of love or hatred, it had been easy when Severus hated him, but now there was no way to know what he was thinking. But, at least he hadn't grunted, Remus added mordantly. "I understand."  
  
This time, Severus did absolutely nothing, except gaze with unseeing eyes out onto the landscape of Hogwarts. He had always had trouble showing affection or expressing his emotions, but never before had he seen him freeze up like that before.   
  
"I've scared you," Lupin murmured, sitting down to hug his knees to his chest.   
  
"In all honesty, yes. Very much so," His voice was empty, as though his thoughts were elsewhere completely.  
  
"At least you're being truthful…"  
  
"You've made me remember things as well, things I'd rather forget."  
  
"About?" This was good, he was making progress. Snape was, little by little, coming out of his shell. Perhaps an answer would come soon.  
  
"You. I think I… I think I loved you then. Though it was not a wise decision."  
  
"Love is never a decision, Severus. Love is an emotion, love is fate, love is the stars. If you thought you loved me, then you did not." This was bad. Severus was delving into a part of his past that Lupin had no knowledge of. He had loved Lucius? As far as he remembered, Lucius never gave Snape the time of day.  
  
"I loved you, then. But nothing could come of it. Nothing can come of it," Once more, his voice had lapsed into that terrible void of feeling.   
  
"Everything can come of it. I've learned one thing in my life, just one. And it is this: If you risk everything for love, for happiness, then whatever comes of it is worth it. There is nothing in this world that can touch you if you know that someone loves you. You live for that person, because you know that your end would mean their end. It works like that for everyone. But there are a few who see loving in the same light. If you love someone, you will live for them. I live for you, Severus. I have always lived for you."  
  
The faintest ghost of a smile formed on Severus' lips as he bent to sit next to Lupin, his gaze fixed exclusively on him. "That you can say such things, for that I admire you. You have the courage that I lack."  
  
His words caught Remus by surprise, for only a few times had he heard Severus talk like this, and all of them had taken place fifth year. Gone was the morose haze in his eyes, gone was the inclusive hatred and most of all, gone was the tight-lipped scowl that he had permanently donned.   
  
"That you can say such things to me, for that I pity you."  
  
"Don't, because I could not be happier if it was anyone else. Love is never a decision, love is something you are born knowing. Even if you shut me out," He paused to bite down on the "again" that was spring-loaded on his tongue, "I would still love no one else. I only have room in my heart for you. Even if you have no room in yours for myself." Remus forced a small smile to keep the tears that began to well at the corners of his eyes from falling.   
  
Feeling an ice cold finger brush against his lower eyelid, Lupin stared in astonishment at Severus, who was wiping his tears away. "Know that I will never say such things to you, know that I will never feel them the way you do, but know that I understand them and reciprocate." And with that, Snape leaned in to plant a chaste kiss on Remus' trembling lips. "And know that I am much smarter than you give me credit for…"  
  
TBC  
  
****  
  
END NOTE: The chapters are progressively getting shorter, but I wanted to leave you with a little cliff-hanger. Feel free to leave questions and ideas on the reviews, I love to see how others view my fics. And I think some things weren't very clear in this chapter… Oh well… *giggles* This is my longest fic ever! 


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters or settings appearing in this fic, nor do I own the lyrics. This fic contains male/male sexual and romantic situations… And writing witty disclaimers is hard…  
  
DEDICATION: There's really no one I can dedicate this to. Wait, yes there is! This is for the people who decided to have the first week of school to be "bonding time." Yes, thank you, I'll be bonding with my word processor…  
  
AUTHOR NOTE: Thank you for all the reviews! I actually thought the last chapter was rather weak, but I see that some of you don't agree with me. And I think I'm OCing Snape, but I don't care. I want a happy ending, dammit! But… I'm not sure if it'll work out. I hope it will! And Lucius will be making an appearance later on in the fic, but I have no idea how to portray him. I want to give him motives for what he *will* do in the end, but I don't know how. Oh well, I'll think of something. And I said 'but' too many times in that paragraph.  
  
****  
  
"A voice from the past, joining yours and mine  
Adding up the layers of harmony  
And so it goes, on and on  
Melodies of life,  
To the sky beyond the flying birds--forever and beyond."  
-Melodies of Life, Final Fantasy IX  
  
****  
  
For the rest of the day, Snape never brought up or clarified his statement regarding his intelligence. Did he know? Did he know and genuinely didn't care? That didn't sound at all like Severus, Lupin concluded. Perhaps he was alluding to something different entirely, but still, it did make him wonder.   
  
Around five or six o'clock, after taking a dose of the Polyjuice Potion, Lupin hurried down to the dungeons to see if Severus would care for an early dinner. He had *other* plans for the night, plans that he felt could not be interrupted by something as trivial as supper. Knocking impatiently on the heavy door, Remus rocked back and forth anxiously on his heels. What the Devil was taking him so long? Slowly, the door creaked open and there stood Snape.  
  
"Lucius." The dark-eyed man greeted sullenly, ushering him into his quarters with a nod. He seemed… Rather disappointed with something. Not that his demeanor had changed noticeably, he was always quite grim, but he had once again begun to note the little changes in Snape's attitude.  
  
"Severus. I was thinking that we could dine early so that the rest of our evening could be free."   
  
"I'm afraid you'll have to wait for a little while. I need to go deliver the Wolfsbane Potion to Lupin," The potions master answered monotonously, gesturing to a dramatically smoking goblet on his desk. "But it will only take me a few moments."  
  
Remus' brain took quite a while to process the information he was given before his adrenaline kicked in. He… Tonight? He was caught! He still had at least thirty or so minutes before the potion would wear off and here Snape was, about to go looking for him! If only he hadn't been so stupid! He should have remembered! But this was no time to berate himself, he needed to keep a cool head and defer Severus' attention. Yes, all he needed to do was stall him until the tonic's effect had nearly worn off and then he could run all the way to his room, changing as quickly as he could and fake a head cold. It would work! It had to!  
  
"Lucius? I knew you'd be shocked that that beast was still here. But he'll be gone by the start of the new term, I assure you," Snape stated, his voice filled with ice.  
  
"O-Oh… That's good…" Remus mumbled, clearing the dejected expression from his visage and replacing it with a wide smirk. He sauntered predatorily towards Severus, beginning to work the first button of his robe off. "He can wait, Severus. Just a while, I'm sure you've made the potion strong enough for it to last."  
  
"Of course, but-" Lupin silenced him with a slow kiss, working his skilled fingers across the professor's chest, unfastening Snape's robes as well. "You can't possibly turn me down…"  
  
"Of course not, Lucius," The potions master said, his voice rather hushed. The buttons were coming off swiftly now and Remus turned his attention to the newly revealed bare skin. "I'm glad you dressed lighter today. I don't think I could've waited very long," Planting a smooth kiss on the column of Snape's throat and working his way down, Lupin shivered as he felt a hand entwine itself in his hair. His skin was so soft, so unaltered by time, it was just as he remembered it. Every feathery kiss set upon it filled Remus with a passion that had been extinguished for such a long time. This was what he had needed, what he had craved with all of his being. Darting a nimble tongue over Severus' breastbone, Lupin was caught off guard when the potions master's hand lifted his chin and met his lips with a kiss of his own. So, this was not to be rushed, Remus pondered. Well, they could continue what they started after he had taken the Wolfsbane.   
  
Snape's tongue pressed hesitantly against Remus' lips, gently caressing them as he pleaded for an entrance. Lupin obliged him and met the tongue with his own, toying with it in a teasing manner before giving into his own passion. It had been such a long time, such a horrible wait that Remus couldn't help himself from gruffly propelling Severus onto the bed and mounting him. Feverously dragging his hands up and down the sides of Snape's torso, the werewolf pulled out of the kiss to gaze through lust-hazed eyes at the man beneath him. His chest rose and fell with the hurried breaths he was taking and his mouth was opened ever-so-slightly, a teasing reminder of the kiss he had just ended. He needed more!  
  
Bending to trace his tongue around the circumference of Snape's nipple, Lupin delighted when the professor let out a quiet, shuddering moan. The werewolf then proceeded to bite down on it, causing Severus to squirm beneath him. He must be use to being the subordinate, Remus pondered, having Lucius for a lover. There Lupin would be happy to oblige him. Trailing sloppy kisses down the dark-eyed man's abdomen, he paused when he made it to the hem of his trousers. No, he could not go any farther. He had put himself in a precarious position. Lupin didn't have enough time to finish what he had started, nor could he go back to his room. The potion had at least another fifteen minutes left in it, and Remus had never been a very quick lover. It seemed that he always knew of a difficulty to set himself up for.   
  
"Come, we'll go for dinner, than you may see to the werewolf. I'm weak with hunger," Lupin panted, dismally peeling himself away from Severus. So close, he had been so close…  
  
"You didn't seem very weak a second ago," Snape tossed, his face turned down into a scowl.   
  
Remus simply shrugged and saw to straightening his robes before leaning against the bedpost, a mock uninterested expression of his countenance. Oh, how he wanted to just jump back onto that bed and… But now was not the time.   
  
Once Severus became decent, Lupin hurried up to the dining hall, beckoning for Snape to match his pace. He would have to eat quickly…  
  
****  
  
"I'm feeling a little queasy, perhaps I'll go lie down."  
  
Snape simply glared at Remus, inhaling audibly and arching one eyebrow. "You said, not ten minutes ago, that you were feeling 'weak with hunger.' You are beginning to wear on my nerves."  
  
"Truly sorry, I am, but with age comes a gentle stomach…" Lupin seized the opportunity to stow away, summoning as much strength as he could muster to get back to his bedroom. Dinner had been uncomfortable. All he could do was think about going back down to the dungeons and fulfilling his fantasies, which brought about problems, considering he was sitting next to Minerva. That's all that he needed right now, to be lectured on how improper something like that was at the dinner table. He wasn't five years old and she wasn't his mother.   
  
Jumping out of Lucius' robes and hurling them into his closet, Remus shrugged into a shoddy night-gown before padding into the bathroom. Yes, he had begun to change back. It was, all in all, a rather strange sight to watch. Things didn't happen all at once, features just seemed to ripple until they somewhat resembled his own face. The process only took a few minutes, but it was like an eternity watching.   
  
Safely under the covers of his bed, Remus sighed, glancing around the room anxiously. Hope he hurries, Lupin grumbled in thought. He couldn't hold out for much longer. But within a few moments, there was a rapt knock in the door, to which he cleared his throat and bade him enter.  
  
"Oh, Severus, forgive me for my indecent attire. You see, I think I've been coming down with something, and I thought some bed rest would be the best cure."  
  
"I see. Here," Snape hurriedly sat the goblet on Remus' nightstand and folded his arms.   
  
"Impatient, I see," He chuckled, grasping the chalice with one hand, raising it to his lips and taking a deep swallow. It was like molten metal flowing down his throat, assaulting his senses and burning all the way down. But, at least he was used to taking this.   
  
"Hmmph," Severus grunted, staring through severely narrowed eyes at Lupin. "I simply have more important matters to attend to."  
  
Nodding while drinking the potion, the werewolf gasped once he had finished with it. He had learned to take the whole goblet-full in one gulp, thus getting it over and done with. But it had taken him a while to build up enough resistance against it to keep from choking to death. The potion master swept over to his bedside and snatched the glass away from Lupin before leaving the room without another word.  
  
Once he was positive Snape had left, Remus hurled himself out of bed and rushed over to the closet to find one of his more expensive robes. This was impossible, he'd either have to beat Severus back to the dungeons or invent an excuse as to why he wasn't there. He could say that he was resting in his own rooms or had played it safe and gone up to the infirmary. But Lupin's thoughts began to haze as he was hit with a crashing wave of fatigue. He hadn't been sleepy a second ago, on the contrary, he had been wide awake. And now he was finding it exceedingly difficult to stay alert…  
  
****  
  
Remus woke fairly late in the morning, sprawled out before his closet with a crick in his neck. What had…? He had fallen asleep before he had the chance to get downstairs to see Snape! That was strange, the way his sleepiness had pounced on him all at once like he was under the influence of… He could have sworn aloud! Snape had laced the Wolfsbane Potion with a sleeping draught. Severus had been suspicious of his identity and had drugged the remedy to see if he had been right. And when Lucius didn't appear in his quarters, he knew the truth. Caught, he had been caught finally.  
  
"Well… It was nice while it lasted…"  
  
****  
  
Lupin was at ill ease at the breakfast table, cautiously glancing around as though he was suspicious of something. It was the first time he had left his room while retaining his own form in days and for some unknown reason, he felt naked under everyone's discerning eyes. Well, that didn't matter now, he needed to speak to Snape.   
  
He managed to catch the professor on his way out, grabbing him by the arm forcefully. Remus was suddenly possessed of an anger that had been nonexistent a moment ago. "Severus, a word, if I may."  
  
"Let go of me!" Snape yelled, twisting his arm away from Lupin indignantly, a look of fury on his face. "How dare you!"  
  
"I'd like to discus the matter of the potion you made for me yesterday."  
  
"What about it?!"  
  
"I'd like to know why you laced it with a sleeping draught."  
  
"If you must know, Pomfrey asked me to. She thought you were looking worse than usual, so I did. Forgive me for doing what I was bloody told," The words were spit and Severus crossed his arms. "I'm sure anything else you have to say can wait. I have business in Hogsmeade and later, a meeting with Lucius." And with that, the black-haired man stormed out of the hall, slamming the heavy front door in his wake.  
  
Remus leaned against one of the large stone pillars in the lobby and let out a careful sigh. He still knew no more than he did five minutes ago. His reason for drugging him could be a lie or could be half-true, Poppy *had* asked him to knock him out, but Snape still had his own motives. As for the bit about 'business with Lucius,' this brought about a whole new set of worries. Had the real Malfoy come for another one of his visits? It was still early in the month, but he couldn't be sure of anything. This was getting rather complicated.  
  
Deciding that a walk would be the best way to clear his head, for it was still a bit fuzzy from the potion, Remus wandered out of Hogwarts and into the gardens. They really were beautiful, with every variety of exotic flower you could imagine planted in quaint little rows. It was like something from a fairy tale, Lupin mused. He trailed off down a forgotten path, cutting through layers of brush to finally end up by the lake. With a small sigh, Remus noted the tree that he had been sitting under with Severus yesterday afternoon. The werewolf meandered over to it, leaning against the trunk and delving into memory.  
  
He was roused from thought after a short while by the deep bark of what sounded like a large dog. It was… rather familiar… Sirius! Spinning to see 'Snuffles' bounding at him, barking like mad, Lupin let out an ecstatic cry and fell to his knees to greet his old friend. The shaggy black dog leaped into his arms, showering him with wet kisses and yipping happily. All Remus could do was laugh until he started to cry. He hadn't seen Sirius since that night at the end of his first, and only, year teaching at Hogwarts.  
  
Sirius tugged at his sleeve and attempted to drag him into a nearby bush until Lupin stood and walked over it to himself. Once inside the tangled brambles, he watched as the dog transformed back into a human, blushing slightly when he was faced with Sirius completely naked.   
  
"Remmie!" He screamed, wrapping Lupin in a suffocating embrace. Pulling away from him, Lupin could see how happy Sirius was to see him, for his eyes were actually twinkling. "I've missed you so much! I heard about what that smarmy git Snape did to you! If I'd have been there, I'd have-"  
  
"Sirius, calm down," Lupin cooed, his expression soothing and rather relaxed. "I'm fine. Dumbledore even let me stay until the students come back. He's been very kind about all of this, really…"  
"I heard."  
  
"You did? News really does travel quickly…" Remus murmured, a wide smile plastered on his face. "So how have you been? You look much better and you seem happier too."  
  
"Oh, I am, I am! I'm doing very well, all things considered," The fugitive replied, with a grin to match Lupin's. "I came to see Harry, but you said the term hasn't started yet. Huh. Must've lost track of the date again."  
  
"I see. Well, I'm glad I ran into you, things have been… interesting."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Oh… Just… personal matters, that's all," He did not want to talk to Sirius about Snape and what he was currently doing with him. That's all he needed right now, a lecture on why 'that greasy git doesn't deserve you, Remmie!'  
  
"Personal matters? What, you can't tell me?" Sirius looked slightly offended by the statement. "I mean, I'm your best friend! Must be pretty personal, then."  
  
"It is."  
  
"Is it a girl? Or a boy, I'm alright with you being like that."   
  
Sirius had always been annoyingly supportive of Remus being a devoted bisexual and usually verbally (or physically, on some occasions) bashed anyone who made the slightest comment about it.  
  
"I suppose you could say that, yes. But it's nothing I'm ready to speak on," Lupin added a mental 'with you.'  
  
"I guess I understand. Or not, I wouldn't know the first thing about dating these days, what with being on romantic hiatus for, oh, twelve years…"  
  
How he could manage to joke about a twelve-year prison sentence in Azkaban was beyond the ex-professor, but he supposed it was a good sign. "Alright."  
  
"So… Other than that, what have you been up to? I'm dying to hear about anything that's going on. I'm so bloody starved for conversation I'd talk to just about anybody now!"  
  
"That's flattering…"  
  
"I didn't mean it like that, Remmie, it's just…"  
  
"I know."  
  
"So who is it? This mystery… person."  
  
"I'm not about to tell you, Sirius Black. And it's rather complicated," Remus was a bit forlorn about not being able to inform Sirius, but it was all for the best. He couldn't have him fuming and threatening to kill poor Severus…  
  
"C'mon, Remmie. Why won't you tell me? It's not like it's Snape or anything."  
  
"You'd be right there…"  
  
"Well, then I don't care. He's the only one of your… significant others, I guess, that I ever had a problem with. And I still say you were off your nut for liking him in the first place. You were like… a masochist or something."   
  
Lupin stayed silent and hugged his knees to his chest, letting out a shaky breath. "I suppose…"  
  
"Alright, now why won't you tell me? It's not like it's me or anything," Sirius paused, his eyes widening, "It isn't me, is it?"  
  
Remus burst into laughter at the thought and cast a cynical glance at Sirius. "That egotistical, hmmm? No, it's not you. I know better."  
  
"You didn't have to laugh so hard…" He mumbled dejectedly, turning his gaze in the other direction.   
  
"I'm sorry. But… it was rather funny…"  
  
"If all you're going to do is insult me, I think I'll be going now!" Sirius announced dramatically, turning his back on Lupin. Remus laced both arms around his friend's shoulders and stifled another chuckle.  
  
"Sirius, stop being so juvenile. Come now, can't we just talk like we used to? I'm tired, Sirius, very tired and I've no one to talk to. I'm sure you can relate." Sirius gave a small nod in reply. "Then just stay a while and we'll… chat." Lupin stated primly, laughing a bit at his phrasing. "Please?"  
  
"Fine, let's 'chat.' But I still say it's me."  
  
****  
  
The two talked for the greater part of the afternoon before Sirius decided he'd better leave. Waving goodbye to the hirsute canine, Remus sighed. It had taken a weight off of his mind, talking like that with Sirius. He felt rather refreshed, invigorated even. Perhaps that night, he and Severus could have a moonlight picnic…  
  
TBC  
  
****  
  
END NOTE: Due to a reviewer's request, I made this chapter longer than I would have. And that was my little 'haha' at Sirius/Lupin. *is avid Snape/Lupin shipper* And I think Sirius will be causing a bit of trouble in the next chapter… 


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters, places or events. Any resemblance to real, living or dead, people is purely coincidental. The parties' names have been changed to preserve their innocence. *dundadundun* *dundadundunduuun*  
  
DEDICATION: As always, to Kelly, for helping me so much she should be listed as a co-author. And I promise not to *kill* Jason-Dahling.   
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Finally got around to updating. I really don't want to know how long this fic's been neglected. No more song lyrics, very sad. Now, for a switch of perspective to clear up some issues and to give deserved attention to Snape. ^___^  
  
****  
  
Scratch, scratch, scratch. The disgruntled Potion Master cracked open one eye to peer out at the dismal room. Where was that coming from? Scratch, scratch. That blasted scratching had kept him up until an ungodly hour and he was going to find out what the hell it was! Throwing back the sable sheets, Snape narrowed his eyes and listened very intently for the next bout of scratching…  
  
Scratch, scratch. Turning his head, quick as lightening, Severus leaped from his bed to realize that he had no idea from where it was coming from. Or from what, for that matter. Upon moving into the dungeons he had been certain to exterminate every sort of vermin there was to be had in the dank dungeons in order to keep his precious potions in pristine condition.   
  
SCRATCH. It was mocking him, he knew that it was. Filthy thing. The professor went as far to consider that it was some pesky student striking out in vengeance for a particularly nasty assignment. Well, fine, he wouldn't let them get the best of him. He needed to work anyway. Yes, that was it. They were really doing him a service, keeping him up all night. Yes… That was exactly what they were doing…  
  
Settling into the chair turned into his imposingly sharp-edged desk, Snape readied his materials for a long night of evaluation. Fourth-year essays. Quite possibly God's punishment for anyone stupid enough to stray from the path of righteousness to the path of education. They had been through enough lectures for them to believe that they truly had novel, inventive ideas, when in actuality, they were groping so hard for thesis's that they had probably come full circle, back to their first-year papers, except with a larger vocabulary.   
  
But, he never actually *read* the papers, just skimmed them for particularly weak sentences and extremely obvious mistakes. That is, except when he was angry and covered the entire parchment with thick, red ink. Luckily for the fourth-years, he was too tired to do either and simply gave the majority of them mediocre grades. Snape's mind was on other things… Things like Lucius Malfoy's sudden personality augmentation. Why was he suddenly being so kind, so thoughtful, practically spouting love sonnets whenever they were together? True, he'd been a bit more elusive on this visit, but he had given Severus his full attention. It was highly suspicious and highly welcome at the same time.   
  
  
'There is nothing in this world that can touch you if you know that someone loves you. You live for that person, because you know that your end would mean their end. It works like that for everyone. But there are a few who see loving in the same light. If you love someone, you will live for them. I live for you, Severus. I have always lived for you…' He recalled the words with some debate, knowing that if he thought too much on them, he would find himself falling for the man. Love was not something that Snape could allow himself to have. He neither wanted nor deserved it. And being in love with a Malfoy had never brought anyone any good. You were pulled in too quickly, too far, into those metallic, electric, passionate eyes and once they had enraptured you, there was no escaping them. The whole family was unnaturally good-looking; the women were pale, delicate creatures that filled you with thoughts of frosty springs, white roses and butterfly kisses, while the men were a congregation of unearthly beauties, in their midst you were sure to discover a Ganymede or Adonis at the very least. And Lucius was fit to rule them all. Feathery features, soft lips, cold stares and perfectly flaxen hair. He was made up of silk and steel and ice blended together by the precise fingers of some preternatural painter. Lucius Malfoy, the living work of art.  
  
Pulling himself from his reverie, nay his worship, Snape ran his hands over his eyes. He was not one to heap praise on an individual and when was the last time he had become so consumed by thoughts of Lucius? Years and years, perhaps. Or had it been yesterday?  
  
****  
  
Fingers. Thousands of fingers reaching out to him. Wanting to catch him, wanting to hold him, to save him from an unseen foe that he himself hadn't realized had been gaining on him. Snowy skin, lightening hair, mercury eyes, pooling around him, embracing him. Fractured thoughts. Ten more fingers. Touching, rubbing, caressing, sparking emotions that had been deadened for forever. Velvet rubbed against his skin, the cloth of a coat, or was that perhaps Lucius' very skin? Soak it up, hold it in, revel in this, Severus, for it is a dream and you will awaken soon. Sooner than you would hope to. And The Sandman is not a welcome visitor at your door.  
  
****  
  
He awoke in a cold sweat, feeling a telltale sticky substance high on his leg. Good Lord, he hadn't had a dream like that in such a long time. And about Lucius… But maybe he was making this seem more dire and horrible than it actually was. Snape had felt for the other man for quite a while, why, he had been the one to begin this… Relationship of sorts… So maybe the love of a Malfoy was something akin to Heaven, and not the Hell he had made it out to be.  
  
When had they first began their meetings? Two, maybe three years ago. The exact date refused to be pinned down in his mind. Though one thing he was quite sure of was that it had been winter and one of the coldest that he could remember for that matter…  
  
****  
  
"Severus? I hadn't expected to see you here. You should tell me when you mean to come up out of that pit you call a home, I'd quite like to catch up," the Governor chortled, pulling on his black velvet gloves.  
  
Glaring over at Lucius, Snape let out a slight hiss of a sigh, noting with some distaste that it turned to steam before his eyes. Bloody freezing winters… "I hadn't planned on coming into town, let alone seeing you, forgive the discourtesy," Severus answered, his tone bitter. "I thought you didn't care for Hogsmeade, too many half-bloods."  
  
"Mmm. It's true of course, the village is quaint. And if there's anything I can't stand, it's quaintness," he sneered, "But seeing you is a welcome interruption. You see, I'm to attend a board meeting tonight and I arrived early for once. They are starting to notice my liking for fashionably late entrances. So, I am stranded here in this sea of yuletide cheer and quaintness, looking for anything that meets my standards of fashion."  
  
"Then I'm afraid you'll have to keep searching," Snape stated quickly, trying to sweep past Lucius when a lanky arm wrapped around his shoulders. "Come now, Severus. We're old friends-"  
  
"I have never been more to you than a casual acquaintance," the professor amended hastily.  
  
"School time friends, comrades, now co-workers. Join me for a drink, Severus. I'm sure we have much to catch up on."  
  
Frowning exaggeratedly, Snape bore a venomous glare into the snow. "Uhn."  
  
"Excellent, now let's hurry. At tonight's meeting, I'm going to try a fashionably early approach."  
  
****  
  
"I hear you've become a teacher," Lucius commented, fiddling with the handle of his glass of Firewater.   
  
"I have been a teacher for six years, so glad you noticed."  
  
"Oh. Well then, you must be very well adjusted. Anything else new?"  
  
"Nothing that would interest you," Snape snapped, keeping his hands folded in front of him where his glass would have gone. Noting the absence of Severus' drink, Lucius smiled.  
  
"Where's your drink? Tell me you drink. Please. I don't think I could bear talking to someone who doesn't drink."  
  
"I'd…Rather not," the dark-haired man insisted weakly.   
  
"Nonsense! Miss, get my friend a drink! Anything so long as it has alcohol in it!" Malfoy laughed, grinning over at Snape. At least he was in a good mood… Perhaps his presence would be tolerable. After all, at least he could talk enough for the both of him and wasn't frighteningly dull. He wasn't horrible to look at either, in fact- Blinking out of his current train of though, the Potions Master deepened his sour expression and kept his gaze firmly locked on the table before him.   
  
"Severus? Severus? Your drink is here. Severus!" he shouted, his eyes narrowed and his fist clenched. No Malfoy took well to being ignored. Snapping his head up much too soon, his eyes met with the other man's and instinctively, Snape reached for the glass and downed its contents in a single swallow.  
  
"There, I knew you drank. Never met a Slytherin that didn't drink. Leave abstinence to the Hufflepuffs, I always say," the blonde chuckled, already a little tipsy.  
  
"Lestrange never drank," Snape countered, a little worried when the glass refilled itself. He had never retained alcohol well.  
  
"Fuck Lestrange then!"  
  
"Parkinson never did either."  
  
"Oh, fuck you!"  
  
Twitching involuntarily, the professor finished another shot. Don't think about that. Don't think about Lucius. Or fucking. Don't think of them together. Now don't throw yourself in there as well. Don't think about- Dammit.  
  
"I thought you'd never ask," came Snape's dismal reply. Lucius rewarded the remark with a rich laugh. Bloody Hell, even his voice had to be sensual. That man should really have come with a warning label.  
  
"Later, My Pet, later," Lucius snickered, clapping Severus firmly on the back and attempting to stand upright. He faired better than Snape imagined many would in this situation, but still, that wasn't saying much. How many drinks had he had? The Potions Master himself had drank… Four? Five? "And now we return to the castle, where I will overthrow that old coot and lock all of the Mudbloods in the dungeon and let you do what you will with them! What a pair we'd make, ruling that old edifice with a velvet fist in an iron glove! Or… An iron fist in a velvet glove!" the Governor announced, leaning on Snape for support.  
  
"You certainly are a happy drunk," the professor muttered, managing to steer them out of the tavern and in the general direction of Hogwarts.  
  
****  
  
"Come sit on the bed, Severus. You make me nervous with all that stalking and looming you're doing," Lucius commanded, patting the bedding beside him. "This room is positively hideous. If you had an ounce of style you'd get over this… Basic black obsession. You're as bad as one of those Muggle teenagers."  
  
"Shut up. I'm sure you have plans for my room already…" he grunted before sweeping over to the bed and perching on the edge of it.  
  
"Oh yes, a thousand times yes! I could make it fit for a king, but of course taste would be lost on you. Anything that looks different in the light than it does in pitch-black darkness would be lost on you, Dear Severus."  
  
Keeping quiet, the Potions Master glanced over at the blonde man, currently stretched out across his bed and removing his over-robe to reveal an exquisite velvet piece beneath it the color of red wine. He drank in the fabric, savoring the giddy feeling that it gave him that was almost as powerful as the real thing. Inching closer to the burgundy-wrapped body, Snape felt his fingers begin to tremble. It had been so long since he had felt like this, so very long…  
  
"Severus? You look awfully drunk. You look as drunk as I feel," Lucius commented, shrugging comically. "Perhaps not going at all will be fashionable as well."  
  
"You're not going to the meeting? Then what are you filling your evening with?" He thanked God that his voice had been level and completely and utterly ill-suited to his current state.  
  
"You, I suppose. You should feel properly privileged that I would spend an entire evening with an old acquaintance…"  
  
"Friend."  
  
"Oh? So you're my friend now are you?" he asked, opening his gray-blue eyes to finally look directly at Severus. "I'd say by that look in your eyes that you'd like to be something more."  
  
"I… I…"  
  
"Silly little Severus. Always figured you for a fag. But I wondered about it quite a bit back when we were students. I'd lay awake and think, 'I wonder what he'd do if I kissed him. I wonder what he'd do if I said that I liked him.' Just thoughts, never did care for you. Not much to look at, if I may be so blunt. And as a child, anything that didn't sparkle wasn't worth my time. I suppose I haven't changed much in that sense. You're still not pleasant to look at, mind you, but I think other things have topped the aesthetic on my list of priorities and all I can say is that you've sobered me up rather quickly. Come here, Severus," Lucius crooned, his eyes deliciously half-lidded in a come-hither stare.  
  
Obeying Malfoy's command, Snape slunk over to the other man, a little confused by his admonition. How could he be so sure of himself all of the time?   
  
"Closer, Severus, I want to give you what you want to receive."  
  
A little cautious and always one to be shrewd, the Potions Master took his sweet time approaching Lucius, finally resting his head on the blonde's shoulder. "As I said, other things are more important to me now, Severus, I've matured, as have my tastes. Glitter will catch any man's eye, but dust has its own appeal, Severus. I need your intelligence. Your talent. And above all," the man whispered into Snape's ear, his warm breath catching in the shell, "Your power."  
  
And ever so slowly, Lucius' luscious tongue escaped from the trappings of his mouth and gently grazed Severus' ear. And it was then that he realized that the love of a Malfoy could be a dangerously addictive thing.  
  
****  
  
Tapping his quill against the desk, Snape tried to turn his attention back to the essays before him, but it kept stealing away to thoughts of a more pleasant nature. It had become a regular thing from that moment on, Lucius visiting his rooms whenever he had a meeting or was in the area. Snape had a feeling that his partner's only reasons for returning was to bind the Potions Master to himself, ensnaring him in a web of seduction and allure that would rocket him up the lattice work of the Dark Lord's favor. Why, by keeping Snape loyal to himself he had doubled his power. But little did Malfoy know where his true allegiance lay. Still, he could never break it off with the beautiful Governor, he had bewitched him with his good looks and now, his beautiful words.  
  
"Whoever would have thought that old Professor Snape would daydream like a third-year girl about Lucius Malfoy," he drawled aloud to himself, leaning farther back into the hard-wood chair. Yes, now he was pulled further under than he could ever hope to scramble out of. He was drowning. He was drowning and he wouldn't have it any other way.  
  
****************  
  
END NOTE: Sorry the chapter is shorter than the others, I really had to end it there. Poor Lupin got filed away for the whole thing. And, about Lucius' characterization, I just got tired of seeing the same portrayal of him everywhere and I wanted him to be at least a little likeable and not just hell-bent on being a bastard and raping everyone and everything. And Snape came off a little girlier than I would have liked, but hey, it works. ^_^ 


End file.
